


January blues

by skamruinedme (shinystar66)



Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Angst, Depression, Even's POV, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Isak's POV, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Suicidal Thoughts, pls be mindful of the tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-19
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-18 03:48:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28860561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shinystar66/pseuds/skamruinedme
Summary: 2020 hasn't been an easy year for anyone, not even for Isak and Even.
Relationships: Even Bech Næsheim/Isak Valtersen
Comments: 42
Kudos: 133





	1. January blues

January. A new beginning. A time for change, for reinventing yourself and leaving the past behind. Starting afresh. That's what it should be and what Even has been planning to do. Only that things don't seem to have changed at all. Globally speaking. Because if he were to refer to his and Isak's life together and their lives separately, things have got progressively worse until they turned into a ticking bomb ready to go off anytime. 

The thing is, they've been fighting a lot lately. Even more so since the exam season started and they've both been spending more time studying and less communicating. The screaming match they've had this morning reminds Even of the beginning of their relationship, of a time when they were still getting to know each other. He thought they got better at taking since then, but it seems like he was wrong.

It makes sense that they've come to this point, though, because stress and worries and unfortunate events have been mounting for months, starting with Isak's mom catching covid back in March and being admitted to the hospital until she got better a week later, then Isak losing his job in October. The latter left Even deal with the rent and the bills only from his teacher salary, the job he has on the side while also doing his master's degree in arts and teaching. He doesn't mind it, but Isak keeps beating himself over it and desperately trying to find another job. 

That's what they've fought about this morning, because Even can't watch Isak self destruct by stressing about jobs when he has so much studying to do. They can always ask their parents for money, but Isak is too proud to do that because he wants them to be financially independent, just to prove a point to his dad who got remarried right before the pandemic started. Another reason for his distress, probably. Even can't help wondering if the latest argument was the worst one, or if they're yet to reach the peak.

_ There's only one way to find out. _ He thinks bitterly as he makes his way back to their apartment after the walk he's taken to chill out. And chill he is, after spending hours walking in the cold norwegian winter. He wonders if Isak is still home or if he's gone to spend the night at one of their friends'. It's a possibility, but Even hopes it's not true, because he really wants to talk to Isak and sort things out. He's not even mad at Isak. He's more worried if anything, because he thinks Isak's mental health has deteriorated along with all the other things that have gone wrong in their life lately, but Isak's way too stubborn to admit it and Even has no idea how to help his boyfriend when all the other man does is to push him away.

He sighs and stumbles with the key as he tries to open the door to their apartment while wearing gloves. It turns out to be a challenge, but he manages to let himself in eventually. He steps into the hall and notices that the light is still on. Isak's coat and shoes are still there too. Good, it means he hasn't gone anywhere and the two of them can have a mature conversation between adults. There's nothing they can't fix together because they're Isak and Even, and they've been a couple for many years and have gone through a lot. That's what Even tells himself as he walks to their bedroom, trying to calm his nerves.

The sight he's met with instantly breaks his heart. Isak is hidden in a cocoon of blankets, looking small and fragile and like he's about to break. Even sits carefully next to him, getting no reaction from the boy. He moves his hand to try and comfort him, but then:

"Don't touch me, please." Isak's muffled voice rings through the room.

Even doesn't know how to react because it's not often that Isak gets like this, and he suddenly feels sick to his stomach, because  _ what if this is even worse than he thought _ . He watches him for a minute and then lies down, turned away from Isak to give him space.

"We've had worse fights". He declares, testing the waters. Isak huffs, but it sounds more like a sob and Even really wants to hug him because he can't stand Isak being so sad. 

"Maybe a few years ago, yeah, when it was all new, you know, but not recently, I don't think so." Isak continues, sniffing. 

Seems like they are in sync even when fighting, since Even was just thinking about the early stages of their relationship too.

It's quiet for a few moments. Even doesn't know how to respond to that.

"Can you believe we've been together for 5 years?" He lets out eventually.

"More like 4 years and a couple of months." 

"You just always have to correct me, huh?" Even rolls his eyes, a habit he picked up from Isak. He's not even annoyed, just amused with his antics.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to." Isak replies, his voice cracking.  _ He's got the totally wrong message, fuck. _

"Isak, I was just kidding." Even says, turning around and glancing at his boyfriend's back. Isak doesn't move. 

"Can you look at me,  _ please _ ?" 

Isak shakes his head and Even sighs. He's starting to panic.

"It's just the usual stress of both of us having exams at the same time. It's fine, it will pass." He tries to reassure him.

"It's not like the usual stress and you know that." 

_ That's true _ , but it is only natural to act up when life turns against you. In addition to Isak's troubles with his parents and his job, Even also had one of his worst episodes not long ago, because being in lockdown and unable to go out and communicate with people much really affected his mental health until he got used to it. And then Isak had a fight with Jonas for reasons that are still unknown to Even.

"We can get through this." Even insists

"Maybe you should leave." Isak bursts out and Even swears his heart stops for a moment.  _ This is what he was most afraid of. _

"Like...for the night?" He tries, because he refuses to accept Isak has just said that.

"No...Just leave. Run away as far as possible." Isak murmurs, burying himself deeper into the covers.

"And why would I do that?" Even puts up a calm exterior, even though all he wants is to scream.

"Because I've been an asshole to you. And it's probably hell to be around me now. And you deserve better than this." 

"That's not true." Even whispers, his throat closing up. Isak finally turns around and he looks like he's just been through hell and back, his hair disheveled, eyes red and face pale as a ghost. Even's breath hitches at the sight.

"But it is, Even, can't you see? Can't you see that you're this bright ball of warmth and I'm like a black hole sucking everything that is good in and destroying it? I just feel...I just feel so fucking empty and worthless."

"Stop." Even's crying now. They both are. Isak's finally let the tears and the sobs out too.

"Please understand that I don't feel human anymore. I only make you and everyone else suffer. So you should just leave before I do any more damage."

"Isak." Even cries. "Stop, please, you're breaking my heart." Is this what Isak feels like everytime Even is depressed? Because It's unbearable. 

"See? This is what I was talking about! It would be better for everyone if I just disappeared." 

Isak's about to give him a heart attack. He's sure of that because his heart has been racing and skipping beats since he came home, and he feels like he's about to throw up, because he knows what Isak is implying, and he knows what talking like that means, he  _ knows _ . He's been there many times and he can't believe he hasn't noticed any signs in his boyfriend's behaviour and that he let him spiral so bad he's having suicidal thoughts now.

"Is that what you want? For me to leave so you can "disappear"? You realise what that sounds like, right? And you think I would be perfectly fine if that happened?" Even tries to reason with him while Isak looks like he wants to take it back.

"I didn't mean-"

"No. I think that's exactly what you meant." Even says, brushing the tears on Isak's face. "I'm sorry I haven't noticed sooner, I'm sorry. You need help baby, help that I can't give you."

"No, you know I'm not doing anything like that." Isak insists. "I'm fine, I just-"

"You're not. You're not fine. You've refused professional help for years, but you're not getting away now, you hear me? I can't lose you like this, ok?" Even chokes on another sob, and Isak finally comes closer to him, letting Even hold him.

"You won't lose me." Isak whispers.

"Good." Even sighs, relieved.

They stay like that for a while, quietly breathing together, until Even manoeuvres both of them so that they're lying in a more comfortable position, with Isak's head on Even's chest. Their favourite way to sleep.

"I don't want to die," Isak breaks the silence later.

"Ok." It seems like a "but" is coming and Even's not sure he's ready to hear the rest.

"Because I know it would make you upset." 

"So you only want to live for me? Because that's- you know there are many other people who care about you, who  **love** you, right? 

Isak remains silent for a minute. Even's almost tempted to ask what happened with Jonas. Why he hasn't spoken to any of their friends lately, apart from Eskild and Sana and Yousef. But he knows Isak's mind doesn't work like that, he's probably opened up enough for a day, no matter how worried Even is about his state.

"I'm sorry for being an asshole to you lately." Isak says, changing the subject.

"You haven't-"

"No, don't just excuse my behaviour because I'm like...this. I've been treating you like shit."

"But It's ok." Even insists. "Because I've been an asshole to you too. You can't blame yourself for everything because not everything was your fault, as simple as that."

"But you're not an asshole to me when you're depressed." Isak said, stopping abruptly at the last word like he can't believe he's implied that. And Even should have really seen it sooner. Stress, messed up eating and sleeping, self-isolation.

"Really?" Even asks, coming back to Isak's point. "How many times did I snap at you while I was depressed?"

"It's not the same."

"How is it not the same?" Isak's at a loss of words again.

"You know what, let's just go to sleep, ok? We can talk more in the morning." Even suggests. He knows the day has been hard for both of them.

"Ok. I love you." Isak whispers, pressing a kiss to Even's chest, right over his heart, the one that has only now calmed down. He wants to ask Isak if he knows how much of an effect he has on his heart, or that it's a place that he can never leave, no matter what happens between them, but he knows Isak would say he's ridiculous because  _ your heart is just an organ pumping blood through your body _ . But It's ok, Even still loves him and that's how it should be.

"I love you too, baby, so, so much. We'll get through this." He replies, brushing Isak's hair off his forehead and planting a kiss there.

"Thank you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!! Sorry for the pain, but writing this has been therapeutic for me. I'm also sorry for any grammar errors, I haven't really proofread it.
> 
> Please don't hesitate to ask for help if you need it. And remember that you are loved!


	2. February Fridays

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I decided to add a second chapter to this story because of all the positive feedback! I'll hope you'll enjoy this one too! 💛

Isak wakes up to two strong arms wrapped around his torso and slow breaths tickling the back of his neck. It's warm and nice, but he wishes they could somehow be even closer. That he could bury himself deeper into Even's embrace, maybe even crawl under his skin. Maybe his head would stop pounding then.  _ Why was his head hurting again?  _ Because he had a breakdown after yet another fight with his boyfriend, right. 

He suddenly feels sick and wrong because he shouldn't be here. He doesn't deserve an ounce of Even's kindness and love. None of it. He wants to pull away, but Even suddenly holds him tighter, like he can feel Isak's distress even in his sleep. Maybe they are still in sync, or their brains are connected. Isak wants to smile at his silly thought, but then he feels disgusting for being so needy and desperate. 

He's sucking Even's warmth like a dried sponge, and it's not right. It's not healthy that Even is the only thing keeping him afloat, stopping him from drowning in his own thoughts. He's been a shitty boyfriend and he deserves the punishment of being alone. He wants to get up, he really does. But his bones feel too heavy and he's so weak, he just wants to bask in warmth for one more minute. Just one. But exhaustion pulls him in and he succumbs back into a deep, dreamless sleep.

When he opens his eyes again, Even's looking at him, his blue eyes filled with concern. And just like that, Isak's guilt comes back.  _ You're going to stress him into an episode. And then you'll be useless to help him.  _ The voice in his head tells him. He hasn't even thought about that until now. What is he going to do if Even crashes? He can't even look after himself now, he barely has any energy to move and talk. Damn it, he's not supposed to be like this, he's supposed to be the strong one in this relationship. But who is he trying to fool? He's never been strong, he couldn't even take care of his mother. He left her just like his father and sister did, he's no better than them.

"Isak? Baby?" Even says, his voice urgent, his hands on his boyfriend's face, trying to get his attention.

"Hm?"

"I said, do you want to eat? Because I brought you breakfast. Those croissants you really like with butter and jam and coffee, just the way you like it." Even smiles, but it's not his beautiful crinkly eyed smile that makes Isak's insides smell. No, this one looks forced and fake, like he's just trying to put on a facade for Isak's sake.

"I'm not really hungry." He replies even through his stomach grumbles. Why won't Even just leave him alone to sleep? He's so tired even though he's just woken up. That surely can't be normal, right?

"But you have to eat, babe, when's...when's the last time you ate?"

Isak doesn't remember. They were fighting the day before and Even came home late, so he didn't eat anything before bed for sure. He doesn't think he had lunch either, but Even doesn't need to know that. He probably ate a banana in the morning. He thinks so, at least.

"If it takes you that long to answer, that's all I need to know, come on." Even says, reaching out to help his boyfriend sit up. Isak sighs and takes a small bite of the croissant because he has no choice, he doesn't want Even to know how bad he feels.

He eats the whole croissant and takes a sip of coffee even though his stomach is lurching with nausea. Even seems a bit calmer than he was a few minutes ago. But then his face turns serious, like he wants to say something important and Isak is bracing for the worst. He can already feel his heartbeat picking up at the intensity of his gaze, this can't be good.

"I...I met up with Jonas earlier when I went to get food." Isak freezes, he wasn't expecting this.

"He was downstairs, he wanted to come up to talk to you, actually."

"Is he...is he mad at me?" Isak gulps, trying not to think of their fight. It was stupid, just like his fights with Even, but he fucked up. He wouldn't blame Jonas if he hated him. And if Jonas told Even everything, he's surprised his boyfriend is so calm.

"No, he's just really worried, Is, and I am too." Isak feels his eyes starting to burn. No, he's not going to cry again.

"He told me you got really drunk, like you've never done before. And that you started freaking out and acted and said some weird stuff, and then just stopped answering his texts and calls, is that true?" So Jonas spared him the details, good. Even doesn't need to know Isak was so sad and wasted he tried to throw himself off the balcony right in front of his horrified, equally drunk best friend. It's better for everyone if he doesn't.

"It's true." He says, his voice hoarse. He shudders, thinking of how cold the wind felt on his skin that night, and how he was seconds away from plummeting to his death before Jonas grabbed his torso and pulled him back. How he just snapped at Jonas and blamed it all on him, as if it was any of his fault that Isak couldn't deal with a messy family and losing a job and his own emotions.

"He also said your sister has been trying to reach you. That he's contacted him because you wouldn't pick up her calls. Or your father's. Or Marianne's." Well fuck. He didn't expect that either. Especially from Lea, who he barely talks to since she left them,  _ him _ the day she turned 18 and never came back. 

"I told you there are a lot of people who care about you, baby." Isak huffs.

"Lea doesn't give a fuck about me, Even. She's probably only called because my dad asked her to."

"You once told me you two were close when you were little...what happened?"

"Nothing happened. She just left." Isak says, staring ahead. "I think...I think it hurt more with her precisely because...we were so close. I just...I just thought she'd always be there when my parents weren't, you know? But she wasn't." Isak swallows, trying not to let the tears out again. He is not going to be upset about his sister going away now too, on top of everything else.

"Well, I'm not going to leave, ok?" 

"Even-" Isak starts, because he's not strong enough for that conversation.

"No, listen to me." Even insists, cupping Isak's face in his big hands and forcing him to make eye contact. Isak's breathing quickens.

"I know you don't like me saying this because you don't think I can make this kind of promise because no one knows what's going to happen in the future, but I'm telling you now, with all certainty, that I'm not going to leave you. No matter how much you push me away and say that I would be better off without you or shit like that, ok? I'm not leaving. Ever. And I won't let you go anywhere either, ok?"

"Ok." Isak replies, breathless, finding himself unable to say anything else. Even hugs him hard then, and Isak finally breaks down and starts crying silently on his boyfriend's shoulder, soaking his shirt. He wants to believe him, but it's hard.

"I don't deserve you." He whispers after he's calmed down enough to talk.

"Of course you do, you deserve the world, baby." Even says, thumbing at his face softly. "Save some of those tears for later though, I've booked you an appointment with my therapist and we're going there in an hour." Isak can swear his heart stops for a second.

"Wh-what?"

"What? I told you we're going yesterday."

"Yeah, but I didn't think it would be so soon." He says, desperately trying to think of a reason he shouldn't go. He wants to say that they don't have any money and that he will feel like shit if Even asks his parents for money again. But he has a feeling Even will get mad and put on a fight, and Isak doesn't think he has it in him to argue with his boyfriend again. 

"Isak?"

"Hm?"

"Are you nervous? Because it will be fine. Anita is great, she's helped me a lot. And if you don't like her, we can always look for someone else." 

Isak has a million doubts and questions, but he can't bring himself to say anything. He is terrified, but he doesn't want Even to worry about him anymore. Maybe he can go once and then he'll pretend to be fine and he won't have to go again.

  
  


"Ok." He hears himself say and Even smiles, a real smile this time. Oh, how much he's missed it.

"Let's go take a shower first, I can wash your hair with that nice shampoo we got last time." Even wiggles his eyebrows and then presses a kiss on Isak's head. Isak hums silently, thinking of how he always washes Even's hair when he's depressed too. A shower sounds nice, he hasn't had one in days. He could actually enjoy this, the calm before the storm. But then he remembers.

"Is...uh...Jonas still downstairs?"

"No, I told him to come back later, if that's ok with you?" Even says, searching Isak's eyes for approval. 

"Yeah, it's fine." He has time to brace himself for that, good.

"Come on." Even takes Isak's hand and leads him to the bathroom.

.

They get under the shower, and...it's nice. For a moment he doesn't have to think as the hot water splashes his skin and Even washes his body and his hair. He can just close his eyes and breathe, and just...exist. Focus on how good Even's hands feel on him and how much he has missed his touch. God, he loves him. 

"Done." Even hums and turns Isak around in his arms, so they can look at each other.

"Thank you." Isak whispers, pressing a wet kiss on Even's chest, right over his heart. 

"Why do you do that?" Even's voice breaks and he doesn't understand where this is coming from.

"Hm? 

"Kiss me  _ there _ . You did it yesterday too."

"Because I love your heart. It's pure." Isak says seriously, Even though he knows it's cheesy and silly. But he can't help it, Even has always made him think and say silly things.

The sound Even lets out is weird, to say the least. He doesn't know if he's crying or laughing.

"You have no idea what you do to me, how much I love you." Even pulls Isak closer and then they're kissing like they haven't in months. Isak pants. He feels his legs getting weak.

"It's all yours." Even all but breathes into his mouth a minute later.

"What?" Isak asks, chasing Even's lips with his own again. He needs them back on his right now.

"My heart. It's yours." Isak giggles. They're so stupid.

"Don't be ridiculous. Your heart is-"

"Just an organ pumping blood through your body, I know." Even finishes his sentence, planting the sweetest kisses on Isak's lips. Isak's suddenly aware of just how close they are, and how Even's touching him  _ everywhere _ .

"When's the last time we had sex?" He pulls back.

"Um...I don't remember." Even says, breathing hard. Now that's just sad.

"But It's ok, we don't have to do it now-" Isak shushes him.

"Please? Let's just get each other off. I want to feel something and I-I need you."

"Ok." Even whispers, getting down on his knees.

.

Later they're waking side by side. It's not a long way to Even's therapist, Isak knows because he's been there to support his boyfriend before, but it feels like years before they finally arrive. And then they're in the waiting room. Isak's knees shake. He doesn't want to be here. He's familiar with the chair he's sitting on now, he even knows what the woman looks like, but he's never been in her office. He only knows this side of the door, not the other.

"Do you want me to come in with you?" Even asks, his hand looking for Isak's. When he finds it, he tangles their fingers together.

"Do you think she would be ok with that?"

"Of course. She does couple therapy too. And it can just be this time if you want, and then you'll go in alone, and I'll wait for you here, like you've for me before." Even squeezes his hand and Isak doesn't know what he did to deserve his own personal angel. He doesn't have wings, at least not visible ones, but Even's an angel, he's sure of it.

The door opens and there she is. She has red hair and wears glasses and she's smiling.

"Isak. Even. Come in." She says and gestures for them to follow her, closing the door behind them. They sit down on an ugly purple sofa and Anita behind her desk, facing them.

"It's nice to see you again, Even. And to finally meet you, Isak. I'm sorry we can't shake hands, social distancing and all." They all laugh drily, but it's not funny at all.

"So what brings you here together?" Isak knows the question is meant for him more than Even, but he looks down and bites the inside of his cheek. He can't do this, he wants to get up and straight up say that, but Even takes his hand in his and squeezes it again.

"Even's worried about me." He manages to say with a cough.

"And why is that?" Anita looks at him expectantly.

"We've been fighting for no reason. Or I mean, because we're both stressed with exams. And I haven't got much sleep. And when I do sleep, I sleep too much. And I'm not really in the mood for anything...and I'm tired all the time." Isak rambles, surprising himself with how much he's spoken.

"He doesn't eat much either." Even adds, and it's the first time he's said something since they sat down.

"I see. Well, it's understandable to be stressed in these hard times. We just have to learn how to deal and cope with our negative emotions in a healthy way. I heard you got fired too?" Anita asks, scribbling something on her notebook. What is she writing down? And great, now he's reminded of their lack of money and wants to leave again.

"Yeah." He says under his breath and she hums.

"Tell me Isak, out of everything, what's bothering you the most? What's the most upsetting thought you have? What are you most scared of?"

_ Of being a burden. _ He thinks.

"I feel like a burden." He says out loud too, because it's been eating him alive.

"You know, Even tells me the same thing when he is down. Do you feel like Even is a burden?"  _ Never. He's the best thing that's ever happened to me.  _

"No. But It's not the same." He shakes his head.

"Why is it not the same?"  _ This woman doesn't understand, huh. _

"Because Even's sick. I'm just...weak." Isak's voice breaks and Even reaches for his hand on that ugly sofa once more.

"Well I don't think you're weak, from what you and Even have told me, you've been through a lot this year, and before that too. We're going to delve into it later, but now, tell me, why do you take care of Even when he has an episode? He tells me you've been really good at that."  _ What kind of question is that? _

"Because I love him. And I just want him to be ok."

"Do you think Even doesn't love you too?" Isak thinks back to the conversation they've had in the shower. He focuses on how tight Even's gripping his hand.

"No, I know he does. I just...I just don't think it's healthy to rely on him this much."

"Well, we do need to work on your self worth and self love, but it is not unhealthy to need other people, Isak. Humans are social beings, you know? We are not meant to be solitary, it's just biology, but you should know that since I've heard you're studying something with biology."

Isak chuckles.  _ I guess you could say that. _

"What I'm trying to say is that I think it's perfectly normal to seek help and comfort in other people, especially your significant other. This is what it is all about, right? And from what Even's told me, you two have a special bond, I think you are really good for each other. You just need to accept help and let yourself be vulnerable sometimes. Lessen the guilt. I've been working on that with Even too."

Even nods. 

"Just because Even is sick, it doesn't mean you are not allowed to struggle too. If you just did everything for Even and he didn't do anything in return, now that would be unhealthy. Relying on each other when things get hard is not."

Isak breathes out. She's right, but he still feels bad. 

"How about we stop here now, and we'll continue next week, just the two of us? Anita closes her notebook and looks at Isak. "I want to get to know you better. I'll ask my colleague from psychiatry to come too, so we can decide if you need medicine."

"No." Isak hears himself say. "I don't want anything like that, no." It's bad enough that he has to sit here and talk to a stranger about his feelings, he can't take drugs too. Not when he saw what they did to his mom and Even and how much they both hate them.

"We'll see, ok?" Anita says, and then he and Even are somehow back outside in the cold wind. Isak's walking faster.

"Isak, hey, wait, slow down, please." Even trails behind him.

"I'm not doing that!"

"Why are you so scared of taking meds? She didn't even say you have to, just that you'll decide together."

"I know what 'we'll see' means. And I'm not scared, but I just...Even, you hate your meds! And so did my mom."

"Well yeah, but they also keep me stable. And stop me from doing stupid shit like walking in the street naked or wanting to peel all my fucking skin off because I can't stand living sometimes."

"Fuck." Isak plops down on the snow at Even's admission. He didn't know Even still felt like that. Even doesn't even question it, he just sits next to Isak on the icy concrete and they both look in the distance.

"Why is everything so hard?"

"I don't know. But it gets better. It always does. We've got each other, after all."

"Yeah, we do." Isak smiles his first sincere smile in months.

.

He meets up with Jonas after that. He thinks his best friend is going to punch him, but he doesn't. They talk and cry instead. 

"Thank you for not telling Even." Isak says as they're sitting on a bench.

"Well, you threatened to never talk to me again if I did. And I didn't, and you still stopped answering my calls." Jonas laughs, but it's bitter.

"I'm sorry. For the load of bullshit I've said after that too. None of it was your fault. I'm...I'm not well, I know that now, but I'm going to get help. I went to therapy today."

"Yeah, Even's told me earlier. I'm proud of you, bro." Jonas pats him in the back.

"Thank you. For always being here even though I was a prick to you."

"Of course. Where else would I be?"

They cry some more and Jonas makes Isak promise he won't ever do that again. And Isak says he won't. On his way home he reads all the texts he got from his parents and his friends and even his sister. There are people who care about him, Even was right.

.

It's probably been the most exhausting day in his life, but Isak feels lighter, somehow. And there's nothing more he wants than to crawl into bed with his beautiful boyfriend. And That's what he does.

"Hi baby," Even greets him, opening his arms. He looks really soft in his grey hoodie.

"Hi." Isak greets him back with a kiss. 

"How's Jonas?" Even asks, covering them both with a blanket. Isak places his head on Even's chest, just like he did the previous night.

"He's fine."

"Did Anita help at all?"

"Yeah, she really did."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously."

"And you want to go there again next week?"

"Yeah, I do." Isak turns around to look Even in the eyes. He wants him to know he is honest this time.

"Good." Even says and they're kissing again, chests pressed together, hearts beating on top of each other. 

"Valentine's day is coming soon. And your birthday." Isak remarks as he lies down again.

"Yeah. My birthday is on a Friday this year." 

"Mhm. We could go somewhere. Because I don't think...I have the energy to throw a party."

"We shouldn't throw a party anyway. We're in a pandemic, babe."

"True." Isak laughs.

"I like the idea of us going somewhere...a cabin maybe, to have a longer weekend and just chill." Even says softly, his hand drawing circles on Isak's back.

"Just the two of us?" Isak looks up and Even nods.

"Yeah. Just the two of us."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. Please leave a comment if you felt something. 💛


End file.
